Your Heart Can Love Again
by deuxieme-etoile-a-droite
Summary: AU- Regina was staring at the house. This house, full of painful memories, belonged to the past. She wished she'd never had to come back there. But Henry would be away for a whole month and she had let Mary convince her that she'd be happier here with her friends than alone at home waiting desperately for her son's return.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1** **\- It's time to begin**

 **R** egina was staring at the house. This house, full of painful memories, belonged to the past. She wished she'd never had to come back there. But Henry would be away for a whole month and she had let Mary convince her that she'd be happier here with her friends than alone at home waiting desperately for her son's return. He had left only the day before and Regina already missed him like hell. Maybe her step sister was right, maybe being surrounded by friends would be better than staying home watching pictures of her son all day. Anyway, she had a tone of pictures of him on her phone.

Of course, she was glad Henry went on camp for the summer. He was a quiet child, didn't have a lot of friends, and it was a good thing for him to open himself up to new experiences. But it had only been her and her son for the last ten years and it was hard to watch him grow up so fast.

 _I should have stayed home_ , she thought. She didn't mind the loneliness. She was used to it. To spend all her days with Mary and the others would actually be much harder. _How can I have let her convince me to come? I'm an idiot._ But Mary and her puppy face and her insufferable optimism had made up her mind. So there she was, sitting in her car, parked in the alley of the big old white house. It was all too much. When she used to live there it felt like she lived in a castle. She even got lost a couple times. Now however, most of the rooms were closed, only the main part of the house were used. The gardens were truly beautiful, so full of flowers. There was a pond a bit farther, with a weeping willow and a swing. It used to be her favorite place, she came to sit and swing for hours, even though she was already sixteen. She was desperate for a way to escape her reality. That was when she wasn't at the stables of course. But she didn't want to think about that.

She took a deep breath and get out of the car, picking up her bags.

"Regina!"

 _Here we go_ , Regina thought when she heard Mary yelled her name, just a moment before her dear step-sister hugged her. Regina didn't hate hugs. She hated any displays of affection. Apart from her son, she never let anyone touch her willingly. It wasn't that she didn't like Mary, she did. Most of the time. She just wasn't comfortable with those things, it didn't come naturally to her.

"I'm so happy to see you!" Mary said on an enthusiastic tone as soon as she broke the hug. 'I'm glad you decided to come! We'll have a great summer, you'll see! Just like old times!'

 _Maybe not the best thing to say to begin with_ , Mary thought. True, she had memories of great time with Regina when they were younger, but she knew Regina didn't feel that way. She just had to hope Regina hadn't notice. Which she had, but seeing Mary's face freeze in a weird, uncomfortable smile, she chose better not to point it out and leave that poor girl alone.

"Glad to see you too," she replied. "How are you?"

"I'm fine! Great actually! I have so much to tell you!"

Mary took a bag from Regina, which had to pressure herself not to point out that she could take care of it by herself, before heading to the house. The inside was just like she remembered. Same furniture, same smell. It felt like home, even though she'd never felt quite like home there. Mary led her straight to her old room.

"It's okay if you stay here, right?" she asked. "I mean, I thought you'd want to, cause you know, it's yours, but of course if you'd prefer..."

"No, it's fine," she cut. "Thanks."

Awkward blank. It was so weird for Regina to be back, when she sworn years ago to never put a foot there again.

"Okay, so... I'll just let you unpack! Come down when you're done!"

Mary knew better than to linger and Regina silently thanked her for that. Alone in her old room, Regina took the time to unpack (clothes in the closet, and a photo of her and her son on the nightstand) before sitting on the edge of the bed, examining the room. She had taken every personal stuff when she'd left for college and the few that remained had been thrown away by her mother. But it was still her white with black baroque motifs wallpaper, her king size bed with red cover, and her mirror. A mirror who always made her thought about that stupid fairytale of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. A mirror in which she could spend hours staring at her reflection, trying to see the person she wanted to be. She never did.

* * *

After a sigh and a mental shake, Regina went downstairs, direction the kitchen. She hadn't eat for several hours. She found Mary and David, her husband, there. They greeted and she sat. "So, who exactly is gonna be here?"

"Well, Emma and Neal should arrive in any minutes and they're bringing a friend of Neal, Robin, and his son Roland."

"Wait, Emma and Neal are back together? Last time she kept swearing about him."

"You know Emma, she was just afraid off opening up to him again but now she's taken a chance, things are really working out between them!"

 _Great, surrounded by stupid people in love_ , Regina thought. "And what about that _friend_? Do you know him at least?"

"Yes, we've met him," David answered. "He's a decent man."

"He's a really nice guy! And father!" Regina could hear the exclamation point at the end of every sentences of Mary. So exhausting.

"And why are we making charity for him?" she asked, winning a glance from David and a _Regina!_ from Mary. "What? You seem to barely know that guy."

"Look, this house is big enough for all of us, and Robin, well, could use some fresh air. Neal told us he hadn't got out a lot since his wife died a few years ago, and I thought him and his son could enjoy some vacations here, you know. He was reluctant to accept, at first, but you know me..."

"You can be pretty convincing, yes, I know."

"That's my girl," David said with a wink.

"So he said yes," continued Mary with a proud smile. "And wanted to meet us to thank us in person. And his son is adorable! You'll love him! Maybe he'll change your mind from Henry's absence. And Robin is an honorable, loyal, charming and funny..."

"Wait," Regina stopped. "Tell me you're not doing this to set me up with a guy, please!"

"Of course not!" Mary swear with a high voice. That was her guilty voice. _Damn this girl._

"Look, I..." Mary began before Regina cut her off.

"No, no, no, you listen to me dear. That wasn't the plan. I don't need your help or whatever this is supposed to be." It's not like Regina wasn't used to it, Mary had done those kind of things a few times before. She loved to interfere in the love life of others, especially her step-sister's. It was kinda cute the first time; even if Regina had been mad at her for weeks, she had appreciated the gesture deep down. But the next times had just been infuriating. How could this woman always be so in a good mood? So happy, optimistic and confident?

"I know, Regina. That's what you keep telling anyway," she added muttering. "I didn't planed it like that, I just thought it'd be nice for you to... meet new people." She hadn't the time to add anything before they heard the front door opening and Emma calling for anybody. The pretty blond first thought they were all out but soon Mary arrived in the entry, followed by David and Regina, and her best friend automatically embraced her. Behind Emma, Neal made his appearance, followed by a man that must have been Robin.

 _Handsome_. That was Regina's first thought. _A good point for Mary._ Even if she'd never acknowledge it.

"Hi, I'm Robin," he introduced himself with a charming English accent and a smile, and _ooh! what smile_.

"Regina," she replied shaking his hand and offering a polite smile. Blue eyes, light brown hair, good handshake. Everything in his appearance sweated benevolence, but not naivety, confidence, but not superiority.

"Come on Roland, say hi." A little head with brown curls appeared and a timid but curious look behind his father's legs. Regina automatically knelt at his height. "Hey there. My name's Regina."

"I am Roland. Happy to meet you," he said with a small smile.

"Enchanted, Roland." she replied extending her hand, which he shook with a proud feeling of doing just like grownups. He looked up at his dad then and declared he was hungry. "Yeah well, you'll eat after we take our bags upstairs, little man."

"But papa, my belly wants to eat!"

"You know, I was about to eat myself so I can take care of him if you want to," proposed the brunette.

"Yes, yes, papa, please!" Regina clearly saw Robin hesitated. He didn't want to bother her, a woman they just met, didn't want to impose themselves when they barely just arrived. But she had proposed by herself and her kind look was telling him she didn't mind.

"You know I can't resist your puppy look. You go with the lady and be nice, huh? I'll be right back." Roland uttered a cry of victory. Regina wondered if Robin had already forgot her name.

"Thank you, Regina." So he did remember her name. That shouldn't surprise her really, he wasn't a moron. Or didn't seem to be anyway. She watched him took the stairs with their bags and then cursed herself for watching him leave.

"He's kinda cute, huh?" Regina looked back at Mary who was standing right beside her and hadn't lost a piece of their meeting. Regina frowned in a way to say _what is wrong with you?_ and rolled her eyes before taking Roland's hand in hers and leading him to the kitchen.

* * *

Regina and Roland were sitting at the counter, with hot chocolates and cookies. She didn't know why she had offered to take the little boy to eat, she didn't know him nor his father. But his dimples when he smiled were pretty charming. Roland's, of course. True he had inherited them from his father. _Damn what was she thinking about? It was all Mary's fault who put silly ideas in her head._

"It's so yummy!"

"Yeah, it's pretty good," she replied amused by the boy who seemed to be eating the best thing he'd ever eaten when really it was just cookies, not even the best ones. "So Roland, are you happy you came here with your daddy?"

"Hmm, I dunno yet," he answered very seriously.

"Why so?"

"Well, I don't know anybody. And there're no kids to play with me. I don't want to play all alone all the time!" Her mother mode was instantly activated.

"Aw sweetheart, you won't be alone!" she reassured him. "Your daddy will always be there for you and you know, the other grownups can play with you too if you like. I can play with you."

"You would?" he asked, his eyes enlightening.

"Definitely."

"Does that mean we're friends?"

"It depends, do you want us to be friends?"

"Hmm... YES!"

"Then we've got a deal!" She smiled at how life seemed so easy for kids, and passed her hand in Roland's hair. She just couldn't help it when it came to kids, she always get attached very easily.

"You're the nicest person on earth Gina!" Regina couldn't hold a laugh.

"You're not so bad yourself."

"What about me, then?" Regina jumped with surprise. Robin stood at the entrance of the kitchen with a fake pout.

"Papa! We're eating cookies!"

"I can see that! You're a lucky boy." He stepped forward and sat next to his son. Then he looked at Regina and thanked her again, to what she only responded by a small smile. Robin had seen the sweet gesture from Regina to his son. Neal hadn't talked about her a lot. He knew she was Mary's step-sister, since her mother had married Mary's father and they came live in this house. He knew pretty much nothing else, but she clearly had a soft spot for children. And she truly was beautiful. Mary had affirmed so a couple times, speaking only with good terms about her sister, and Robin had seen clear as day what she was trying to do, not so subtly. He hadn't paid attention, was more amused than anything, but he had to confess she didn't lie about Regina's charm. Her hair was raven dark, cut to the shoulder, her lips full and red, and her posture graceful. Yet her smile didn't seem to quite reach her brown eyes.

Regina felt Robin's stare on her but refused to meet his eyes. It wasn't the first time, and surely not the last, a man admired her features. She used to take advantage of the fact men found her attractive. She even searched for this desire sometimes. But that was long ago now, before her son. She wondered what Henry was doing right now.

"Papa, Gina's my friend and she will play with me if you don't want to!"

"That's really sweet of her."

"Oh I have a great idea! We could all play together! Me, papa, and you Gina! It would be so cool! Right?"

"Of course my boy." Roland looked at Regina, waiting for her to respond. _Where were the two idiots when she needed them?_ A little distraction right now would have been perfect. Of course, she'd love to play with Roland from time to time, but she didn't want to interact more than necessary with his father. He seemed to be a good guy, like Mary and David said, and yes, it wasn't unpleasant to look at him, but she was just not a very social person. People always disappoint one another, why bother trying to pretend otherwise?

"Yeah, great!" She couldn't bare disappointing this kid. He was in an unknown place, with strangers and nobody of his own age, this sounded like a nightmare for a kid! And well, a few hours with both of them wouldn't kill her.

Robin had seen her hesitation and wondered where it came from. _Maybe for some reason she didn't like him?_ Okay, that was stupid, they just met and she couldn't already have judge him, just like he hadn't grasped her yet.

Robin took a cookie then and drank a bit of his son's chocolate. "Papa, it's _my_ chocolate!"

Seeing his indignant face, Regina came as back up. "You'd dare steal your own son's chocolate?"

"Well, we all have to learn to share," he responded with his smirk.

She was about to say something in return when her phone vibrated on the counter. She smiled widely when she saw who was calling, and said quickly to Roland he could finish her chocolate before answering. "Hello, sweetheart!" she greeted, heading toward the garden.

"Hi, mum!"

"I'm so happy to hear you, Henry!" Regina didn't want to sound desperate. God, he only had left the day before! And he had call her the day before. But she missed him so much.

"So how are you? Tell me everything!" So he did. The guys he shared his room with were nice and they spend some good time together. He told her the activities they had done today, all the fun they had at lunch. Henry really seemed to enjoy himself and nothing could make Regina happier. She did felt an inch of jealousy, whishing she could share this with his son. She knew it was irrational, he needed a life on his own, he was ten after all and teenagers did not spend all their time with their mummy.

"And how are things for you? Did you arrived at Mary and David's?"

"Yeah, I arrived about an hour ago."

"You're making efforts, right?" That was her boy, he knew her too well. And was very protective. Regina guessed it was normal for a boy to worry about his single mom. She wished he didn't though, she could take care of herself, like she always had done. But she loved him even more for it too.

"What are you talking about? I always make efforts!"

"Liar," he teased her and she smiled. "Look, I just want you to have a good time while I'm away. They love you, so don't close yourself up. You could really enjoy your vacations, mom, if you _tried_!"

 _When did her little boy become that mature?_ "I love you."

"Love you too, mum."

"But I'm really making efforts! I have a new friend!" she said before telling him about Roland and his laugh resounded on the phone for a long minute.

"Okay, enough, stop laughing at your mother, you spoiled young man."

"Sorry, sorry. It's great really. And what about the father?"

"What? Robin?"

"Yeah."

"Well, what about him?" Henry knew she was pretending not to understand where he was going with this, and she knew he knew.

"How is he?" he continued.

"Henry," she stopped him on a firm tone, even if she was still smiling, but he couldn't know that.

"What? I was just wondering!"

"Yeah, sure. Now stop Marying me, and mind your own business, kid."

Henry knew better than to push her mother and so he lowered his arms and they went back talking about things and others. Then he told her he had to go, so they said goodbye and hangout after one last _I love you_. She had been walking around for almost an hour talking to her son. _What now?_ She sat on the terrace's couch and counted. It was passed 6 pm there, so it was about 9 for him. He'd soon go to bed. As for her, she had to go back inside and be nice to people. Damn, that was going to be a long summer.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2** **\- She's lost inside**

 **S** he went back inside later and found the two couples in the kitchen, preparing dinner. They were talking loud and laughing and Regina thought about withdrawing quietly but Emma saw her. "Hey, what's up?" she asked.

"Not much. You? Off the single market again, huh?"

"Yeah it'd seemed so," she said with a modest smile.

Regina liked the blond. Emma Swan was almost as reserved as herself. She was Mary's best friend since college when they were roommates. Regina and she weren't that close really, but she had a deep respect for her. They both had a cloudy life. Their past were very different, yet they both went through rejection and loss and somehow that had created a special connection between the two women. Something Mary couldn't quite understand since, apart from her mother's death when she was eight, she had had a perfect life among Candy Bears. Regina had always felt bitterness towards her for that.

"You're happy?" Regina asked, not caring that the others could hear. Emma's love life didn't matter for her, but she did care about the blond and saying that the relationship between her and Neal was complicated was the euphemism of the year. "I just want to be sure you know what you're doing, Emma," she added.

Emma was upset that everybody seemed to think she wasn't able to take a decision by herself that wouldn't end up badly. Mary always thought Emma's behavior was too destructive. And it had been true for a long time but she had changed.

Neal and she had met when she was sixteen, still in foster home. He was twenty, all by himself, and survived by stealing. They were both young and rebel, it was them against the world. Alas something went wrong one day and Neal had ran away while Emma had been caught by the cops. She was send to Juvy for a while, before being sent back into the system. That's how she lived for years, with a broken heart. Abandoned by parents she never knew, unwanted by any foster family, and rejected by the man she loved. When they ran into each other the year before, Emma had thought fate was mocking her, and she had done everything to avoid him. But eventually he made her listen to him and they had talked a lot about their history. He tried to visit her in Juvy but wasn't allowed to. He had first left because he thought she'd be better off without him and the present situation proved him right. _He didn't deserve her, how could he?_ This conversation was the closure she needed, everything was settled now. _She was over him. She didn't want to forgive him. She hated him._ Yet, deep down, a very stubborn part of her heart was still longing for him. That was the reason why she had took a leap of faith. If she had forgave, she'd never forget. But she was truly starting to believe they could be happy. She could be happy.

"I do, Regina. I am happy," she said with a sincere smile.

 _She does look lighter_ , thought Regina, wandering how the pretty blond had succeeded where she couldn't. Letting go of the past.

"Hey, what are these secretive, huh?" Neal joked before putting his arms around the girl he loved.

"Nothing," she replied with a smirk. Regina rolled her eyes and asked Mary if there was anything she could help with. She hated feeling useless. "It's almost ready. You can put the table and then go upstairs to get Robin and Roland for dinner! Their rooms are just in front of yours."

 _Of course._ She obeyed and then went upstairs. She heard Roland's laugh from the first step. She stopped for a moment at the edge of his room, watching him play Knights with his father with a discreet smile. She felt like a voyeur, but the scene in front of her reminded her so much of when Henry was younger.

She knocked on the door and the boys looked up at her. "Dinner's ready."

"Am I eating with all the grownups, papa?" asked a very excited Roland.

"At least for tonight, yeah."

"Yay!"

 _If we already reached that sound level for a meal, she wondered what it was like for Christmas._

"Can I sit with Gina, please?"

"Ask her nicely and you'll see," answered his father glancing at Regina, looking as to say he was sorry.

"You want, Gina, right?"

"Hey, that's not very polite, little man." Robin raised his eyebrows to his son and Roland pouted. "And her name's Regina."

"Please Re-Gina, can I sit with you while I eat with the grownups? I'll eat well!"

"I would love that."

* * *

She didn't know what made that kids were easily attracted to her, or why she was so comfortable with them where she was only distant with everybody else. Anyway, she passed more time speaking, or more accurately watching him do the clown, with Roland during dinner than with the others. He was sitting at the end of the table with his father to the left and Regina to the right.

"By the way Regina, have you heard from Henry?" asked Mary.

"Yeah, I was on the phone with him earlier!" Mary loved to see Regina talked about her son. Her face always brightened, her body relaxed. She told them how and what he was doing and the friends he'd met.

"But who's Henry?" inquired Roland, obviously very frustrated not to be part of the conversation.

"Oh, Henry's my son, sweetheart," answered Regina.

 _Mystery solved! But..._ "You have a son too?" he cried out, forcing Regina to repress a laugh.

"Yes I do."

"But where is he?" he asked again, completely forgetting what she had explained to the others.

"He went to a camp for the summer."

"Alone?"

"Well, he went alone but he's with a lot of other kids there."

Roland frown, thinking very hard, before he exclaimed '"Why didn't I go to a camp like Henry, papa?"

"Ha-ha, cause you're too young Roland. Besides I prefer to keep you all to myself," he teased.

Regina's smile saddened at their view. It always moved her to see a father with his kid. She couldn't help but feel a hole and think about the father Henry should have had. Which always sent her back to her long lost love. It'd seemed that Roland's thoughts was heading to the same direction since, even if the conversations had started again, all the voices blending, he suddenly asked : "But where's his papa?"

Regina was startled, and she could felt the others had frozen, but she answered: "Well. Henry doesn't really have a dad."

"Does his dad is with the angels like my mom?"

"No sweetheart." _Okay that wasn't really an answer but what could she say to a child? I was a slut back in college and don't really know who Henry's father is?_ And she'd never wanted to know, because the only father she wanted him to have was gone.

"And it's bed time!" spoke Robin, saving her. "Let's go or you'll never get up tomorrow."

Robin was embarrassed. Of course his son couldn't understand why people aren't supposed to ask that kind of questions. He felt so bad for Regina that distracting his son was the least he could do. True, he wanted to know the story behind, like every human being. Curiosity did killed the cat.

"But papa I'm not tired I swear!"

"Nah, don't try to protest buddy, it's time. Say goodnight." Roland obeyed and shake his hand and everyone returned his wave. Robin took him in his arms and left the room. The adults hadn't finished their dinner so everyone else stayed seated.

"Wow that was close!"

 _As usual they could thank Emma for breaking the blank with such class._

"Close to what exactly?" Regina asked.

"To you killing this poor kid?"

"What!? I'd nev..."

"Just kidding, relax!" she said giving her a nudge.

Regina rolled her eyes and went back to her apple. Shortly after Robin came back down, announcing Roland was fast asleep. He wanted to apologize for his son to Regina but didn't want to bring back the subject, so he kept quiet. As for Regina, she would have thanked him if she had been willing to admit she did need the help, which she wasn't. They just ignored each other and paid attention, or Regina pretended to anyways, to David's stupid tale about a dog or something. Then, Mary murmured something to his husband and cleared her throat. "Okay guys, it's time for us to announce something;" she declared, impatient. Regina raised her eyebrows, interested. _What was it going to be this time? We've decided to take a dog? We're moving at the other end of the country? Please let it be this!_

"I'm pregnant!"

Everyone shouted of joy and got up to congratulate the happy couple with embraces. Regina didn't know why this was upsetting her and hated herself for feeling that way. She wore her poker face and joined the other. She truly was happy for them though. Mary and David would be great parents. Clearly the child would be spoiled, but he'd also learn kindness and altruism, and he'll never miss anything. And if he needed to complain about his parents, he could definitely count on Regina.

Mary was kind of nervous to tell Regina and Emma the news, for different reasons, but was pleased they both reacted so well. They were the two people she loved the most, after her husband of course. "So we've been thinking and, Emma, would you accept to be his or her godmother?" she asked almost shyly.

"Really? You sure? I mean, yeah. Yes. Of course!"

In other circumstances, Regina would have been sick to see so much happiness. But these people she cared a lot about and seeing them happy made her happy too somehow. They washed the dishes then and moved to the living room, still talking about the wonder to come. _Henry will be so glad to hear the news tomorrow_ , Regina thought with a smile. Immediately, paying a visit to the charming little family in the future became more attractive. Regina loved babies. Actually, she would gladly steal theirs and keep him to herself. Henry wouldn't mind, there was a time when he asked for a little sister or brother almost every day.

A little before midnight, exhausted by the road earlier in the day and the socialization all the evening, always feeling a bit out of the place when she was with too many people, she retreated to her chamber. She removed her makeup, put on her pajamas, t-shirt and shorts, and slipped into bed. She probably fell asleep faster than Roland.

* * *

She was awaken by her daughter's cry. She went to her pink little room and took her little girl out of her crib. She was cradling her when he entered, smiling at her.

"She's beautiful," he said. "Just like her mother." He put his arms around her and kissed her smile. God, how she loved his kisses. She loved all of him. She rested her head on his shoulder, feeling totally happy. This was her happy ending, or rather her happy beginning.

"How charming!"

Regina jumped at her mother's voice. _What was she doing here?_ Her lover stood in front of her, protective. But she wasn't afraid of her mother anymore, or at least she tried not to. "Why are you here, mother? I told you we don't want you here. Go. Away."

"You foolish girl," her mother spited. "You think this is it? You think you can be happy? You're just a spoiled, ingrate child." Tried but couldn't speak a word, as if her mother had stitched her lips. The room had suddenly darkened.

"You could have so much better than this poor pathetic stable boy. You could be so much more, Regina."

"But I don't want to. I love him," she finally said. She wanted to stay strong but it had come out more like a whisper. Her mother's laugh resound in the room, like the crazy villain's laugh in a horror movie. Regina thrilled.

"Love is weakness, Regina. It'll ruin your life. This man will take everything from you and then leave, like every other men, he's fake and needy. He'll break your childish heart and I won't be there to pick up the pieces. Listen to me, dear. Listen to your mother."

"No!" Regina cried out. And then everything happened very fast. Purple mist blurred her vision, screams pierced her hears and the room began to spin. She curled up on herself to protect her baby before realizing she was the one screaming. Silence fell again and the mist cleared. Her daughter's room was nowhere to be seen. Regina was surrounded by trees. And in front of her eyes, lying on the floor, covered with blood, was her true love.

"Daniel!"

She thrown herself upon him but it was too late. His heart had been ripped out of his chest, he had stopped breathing. Tears blew her vision, a scream blocked in her own chest. She couldn't bare looking at his body any longer. She had to run. She had to save her daughter. Their daughter. She got back on her feet and began to run. She hadn't crossed three meters that she tripped over a root and fell to the floor. She checked hurriedly to her daughter. And her heart stopped. All she had in her arms was a doll. She cried out for help, while shaking the doll hysterically, as if her daughter could reappear by magic.

Her hands were shivering. She closed her eyes, her face soaked with tears, and when she opened them again she was plunged into dark. She was in a wooden box. She was buried alive. She shouted to explode her lungs and...

Regina woke up shivering and sweating. She sat in the bed, a hand on the heart. She was still catching up her breath when she wiped her tears and pushed her hair back. She hadn't had one of those nightmares in a very long time. _Why did they suddenly come back?_ She didn't really care about the answer. She just lied down again and took deep breaths. She closed her eyes and tried to forget about her dream. Even though she knew she wouldn't fall back to sleep this night.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Author Note: *waves* Hello to whomever has read my story! Thank you :') I really wasn't expecting people to find it and read it! I wrote those chapters last year and knowing myself I'll probably never finish it, sorry! (I also apologize for the mistakes, English is not my first language and I'm not beta-ed) *goes back hiding***_

 _ **...**_

 **Chapter 3** **\- Flashing light, oh what a night**

 **4** :46 am. She sighed.

5:12 am. _Come on, just go back to sleep._

5:33 am. She grumbled.

5:37 am. She wanted to pee.

5:58 am. She could hear the birds singing outside, waking up as the sun raised.

6:01 am. That was it. She got up.

The house was still asleep, everything was quiet. She liked that. She enjoyed the peaceful silence while she cooked and ate apple pancakes and drank a cup of black coffee, before turning the TV on and watching the news.

It wasn't even seven in the morning when she decided to put on a swimsuit and dash to the swimming pool. She hoped to do some length before anybody else woke up. The water was cool, but she didn't mind. She used to go for a swim every day when she was younger. She liked the feeling of freedom when she was in the water. Her muscles first complained. She didn't pay attention. The pain reminded her she was alive, she was human. Soon enough, she resumed the pace.

When she emerged later, the first thing she noticed was the voices. She looked up and saw Robin and Roland on the terrace, finishing their breakfast. They had seen her swimming when they'd come downstairs, but Robin prevented his son from interrupting her. So they'd just sit on the terrace with a bowl of Froot Loops for Roland and one of Cap'n Crunch for Robin. Roland had told his father about his dream, _he had slayed a dragon!_ , and Robin was now asking him what he'd like to do today when Regina got out of the pool. _That white bikini suits her_ , Robin thought. He was a widower for three years not a priest!

She dried herself, wrapped the towel around her, and joined them.

"Gina! I wanted to say hi but papa told me not the bother you, so I told him you wouldn't mind cause I'm your friend, but then he said I could tell you hi later, so I took some cereal meantime."

 _What a character, my son!_ Robin thought.

"That's ok, sweetheart. Did you sleep well?" That's how Robin heard the story of his son's dream again. He watched the brunette listen to his son like what he was saying actually interested her. Clearly she had practice thanks to her son. He thought she must be a good mother. Then again he didn't know her and appearances can be very deceptive, but he'd always trusted his instinct.

"You were up early?" he asked her. Her hair was still wet, she wore no make-up, yet she was somehow prettier than the day before. Maybe the morning sunlight or something.

"I'm an early bird," she declared with a reserved smile. As a matter of fact, she was a big sleeper when she was a kid but her mother forced her to get up early. _The day belongs to those who get up early,_ she kept repeating. Later, the dreams, as she preferred to call her nightmares, hadn't help. Now she was just used to it.

"Do you think we can expect some company soon?"

"Huh, I wouldn't count on it. Mary and her sweet Prince Charming always linger in bed, as for Miss Swan, she's usually in competition with the Sleeping Beauty."

"How do you know all that? You don't seem like the kind of person who goes on vacations with her friends very often. And don't take it the wrong way!"

"No, you're right! But you know, girls talk," she said with a face that made him smile. She liked his smile, it brought out his crow's feet.

A waft made her shiver and she remembered her hair was still wet. She got up and before she could say anything Roland stopped her. "You're leaving?"

"Yeah, I'm just going to shower."

"But you'll be back, huh?"

"Of course, sweetheart. I'm not planning on running away," she reassured him with a wink. _Yet_ , she added for herself.

She went upstairs and enjoyed her shower longer than necessary. Her mother used to have her take cool water showers. Better for the skin and the hair and the whole thing. Now she washed with boiling hot water. When she got out of the bathroom, with skinny black jeans and burgundy tank top, she heard Roland's laugh in his room. She thought about joining him and probably his father, but decided to retreat in her room. She lie across her bed with Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. She had read the first ones to Henry, but he had wanted to read this one on his own while he was at the camp. So she kept reading too, because maybe when Henry will come home they'll continue the bedtime stories. At least she hoped so, she missed when Henry was just a little boy. And to be honest, she quite enjoyed the books too. Even though she'd never confess that to anyone.

When she heard the other get up, she realized she'd been reading for the last two hours. She stretched out but continued her reading anyway.

* * *

She was awaken by discrete knocks on the door. She had just closed her eyes a minute and hadn't feel the sleep overwhelm her. But it wasn't surprising after the night she had. Or the night she didn't had. Mary came in to warn her lunch was ready. Regina had slept more than she thought. _That was actually a good thing, if she spent all her days asleep she'd be reunited with her son and out of here quicker_ , she thought.

Once at the table, she did what she did best and pretended to listen to the conversations when really she was lost in her own thoughts. "Regina?"

She realized Mary was talking to her. "Hmm?" she asked absent-mindedly.

"The fair? Are you in?"

"What, today?"

"Yeah. You didn't listen at all, did you?" asked Emma with a smirk.

"Yes, I did!" Regina defended herself. "Kinda. But you don't need me to come with you, so I'll pass."

"Oh come on! It's a tradition, we're going every year!"

" _You_ 're going every year, dear, not me," corrected Regina.

"But you always wanted to come when we were young!"

"And my mother didn't allowed me to and now I'm a grown up."

"Well, it's not just for kids, it's..." Mary began.

"No need to argue, dear. Won't change my mind." Mary knew it'd be nice for Regina to go out with them but she also knew she'd never been able to change her step-sister's mind. The more she tried, the more Regina would persist.

"Why not?" It was Robin who had spoken, to Regina's surprise. He had stayed quite discrete during meals until then. "Everybody loves fairs." Robin continued. "Kids _and_ adults. These are places full of joy and kids laughs and food. It's fun!"

"Are you implying I don't do fun?" she asked, rising one eyebrow, half teasing him and half serious.

"I'm not the one who said it." Regina knew he was teasing her, but still, it annoyed her. He knew nothing about her. _He's just speaking with you, it was legal last time you checked_. Yes, but it felt like he was judging her too. Okay she's always been a bit paranoid. _But anyway, what did he care if she came or not?_

"I'm not implying anything, I just wonder why you don't want to come," Robin added. He could understand if she genuinely didn't enjoy fairs, but something was telling him she was just reticent. And it appeared like she could use the fun. She looked lonely.

"And this is your business because...?"

"It's just a question, Regina. It's..."

"Don't bother dude," Emma interrupted him. "She's too stubborn."

"I'm not stubborn," Regina refuted with a high-pitched voice. "I just don't feel like coming. It's not a crime, is it?"

"No, of course not," conceded Emma. "Naturally, Henry would be glad to learn you came." Regina inclined her head and pinched her lips together. Emma received the message as if she had spoken the words. _Don't involve my son in this, dear_.

"Just saying..." Emma added with a small smile before leaving the table, followed by the others. Regina rolled her eyes and cleared her dishes.

* * *

She was enjoying the sun on a deckchair, with big sunglasses and her white bikini again, not thinking about anything, when Roland almost jumped on her. She guessed he just woke up from his nap, and he was clearly full of energy. "Gina! Gina! We're going to the fair!" The excitement in the kid's voice was obvious.

"Yeah, I heard that. I'm sure you'll have a great time!" Regina said.

"You too! Daddy said you'd come if I'd ask! Cause we're friends, remember!"

There were the puppy eyes again. Regina asked Roland to wait for her a moment and went to Robin who was waiting just a few steps further. "What exactly do you think you're doing?" she asked.

"You clearly have a soft spot for children," Robin simply declared.

"Your point?" Regina asked, playing indifferent.

"I think Roland would love if you came, and you won't say no to this poor lonely kid."

"That's cheating," she replied. "You can't involve your son!" Robin laughed. Regina knew she sounded like a five year old and that infuriated her even more.

"I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want to do Regina, but I think you'll have a great time if you came just like you said to my son."

"Just to be clear: I may be "friends" with your son, that doesn't mean I'm friends with you. So why do you care?" she asked, rising tone.

"I don't!" he replied on the same tone.

"Fine! I'll come."

"Fine!"

"Fine." Robin's smile was dazzling which only made Regina shake her head and roll her eyes once more before she turned her back on him to go back to his son.

Of course, the others were quite surprised to see her coming. They smirked but didn't say a thing. Regina shared her car with Mary and David. They've been silent since they had left, but she could feel the question on Mary's tong. "So what made you change your mind?" Mary finally asked. She had waited as long as possible, not wanting to piss off Regina, but she couldn't help it. If a magic weapon able to convince Regina more often existed, she wanted to know.

"Nothing special," Regina lied.

"Is it what Robin said?"

"Please," she replied with a grimace of disgust. "Like I care about what he thinks."

"I thought you liked him."

"Mary, I met him yesterday. How the hell do you expect me to like him or not? I don't know this man."

"But he's nice!" Regina didn't replied. She just rolled her eyes, a thing she seemed to do more when she was around the girl, and stared at the road. But silence was too much to ask from the other brunette. _And_ she _was the stubborn one?_

"So why are you coming?" Mary insisted.

"Can't you just enjoy I'm coming and shut up about it?"

"And why can't you just answer a simple question and not talk to my wife on that tone?" David interposed himself. Regina opened her mouth, shocked. She actually preferred him like that! However she took no order from anyone, so she stayed silent.

Their arrival at the fair a moment later put an end to the discussion anyway. They waited for the others to arrive, then, as soon as they entered the fair, they all went back to being kids again. Regina watched them with a smile. An internal smile. She was holding Roland's right hand, his father on the other side. They began with kids attractions, first the Pirate Ship, then Hook a Duck. Henry called just when Roland won. When he learned where his mom was he got really excited. "This is so cool! But really unfair too, though. You'll have to take me as soon as I'm back!"

"I promise," Regina said, wishing he was already there. He told her all about his day then, just like he said he would do every day until he'd be back, and Regina was relieved he had such a great time. When they hanged up, Mary took her arm in arm without saying a word, just because she knew how much Regina missed her son. They hadn't been apart more than a night before and she couldn't imagine how it felt like. She was only two months pregnant and she already wanted to never be parted from her baby.

They ate tacos for diner. Then they strolled among the stands, where David won a Mickey Mouse soft toy and Emma a big size Tweety. A light cheerfulness prevailed as they talked about this and that. Later, it was the turn for the Flying Scooters and Neal shared the story of his first date with Emma, at an attraction and on a night just like these ones, except that the fair was closed and it was totally illegal. Their story was cute. In a weird way.

The two couples left for the roller coaster afterwards. Roland begged to go as well, but he was too young to be allowed. Regina offered to take care of Roland while Robin go on the fast ride with the others. He thanked her but preferred to stay. "It's no bother at all, I won't go anyway so you should take that chance and enjoy the ride," Regina said.

"Are we afraid of speed, Miss Mills?"

"Not at all. Are you?" she replied scrunching her nose and making him laugh. His laugh made her smile. She felt light-hearted.

They kept walking around a while, enjoying the sundown. The sky was burning peacefully. But soon enough Roland declared he was hungry and that's how they ended up swinging and lifting him up all the way to the candy seller. "Here's a candy floss for you little man," said Robin ceremoniously.

"Yay!"

"To share with your old dad of course. And here's for you," added Robin while offering a toffee apple to Regina.

"I didn't ask you anything," she protested, genuinely surprised.

"I know."

She thought of arguing but she was already dribbling for the candy. She took it and thanked him, even though the words burned her tong. "How did you know I love those?" she asked.

"My little finger told me," he answered in jest.

She offered him her jaded face, which made him smile again. "You ate an apple at the dinner yesterday. I simply lucky guessed." Quite the observer this man. She was fond of apples and never had a toffee apple in years. She savored it so much that it took almost as long for her to eat it as it took for the two Cro-Magnons to eat their big size candy floss.

They wandered among the stands until Roland stopped in front of a fortune teller. "Papa! Papa! I wanna do that!"

"Roland, it's a fortune teller, a lady that tells you your future and stuff, it's not a game," his father said.

"But I wanna know! Maybe I am rich and have a big house with a lot of toys and candy!" That made Robin laugh and head for the tent. Regina stopped him with a hand.

"Please, you won't waste our money on this charlatan, will you? Don't tell me you actually buy that kind of gibberish?" Regina reprehended.

"Of course not. But I can afford a little dose of dream for my son. Plus it's fun. Any problem with that?" he teased.

Regina raised an eyebrow then smiled with disdain. "Feel free to act like an idiot." He should teach his son that life was not a wish-granted manufactory instead of letting him listen to this absurdity. Roland would learn that sooner than later. Life was not a fairy tale. She turned her back to him, as to leave, but was stopped by the boys catching both her hands. She tried to resist but Roland's chuckle had her surrender.

She entered a kitschy world, with red pillows and carpets, stones, candles, and other unidentified things. It was overloaded but comfy. The fortune teller greeted them, welcoming them to sit. She was a middle age woman, in a stupid fancy-dress. Her hair was blond and her eyes so light they looked like all the color had faded. She took Roland's hand first and predicted a great future, a good job, a great love story. _How surprising_ , Regina thought. Yet, Roland was ecstatic and Regina couldn't help a rush of affection toward the little boy. Then the woman took Robin's hand, even though he was reluctant. He hadn't planned to endure the psychic's act too, but what arm could it do? She supposedly saw an agitated childhood, then a big loss. "You suffered. Deeply and for a long time." Robin was now focusing on the woman and Regina rolled her eyes. The print of his wedding ring was clearly noticeable. _Don't have to be a witch to guess he was either divorced or widowed_.

The psychic wasn't finished yet though. "Your journey isn't over. I see... Love. You will fall madly in love." _Better and better_ , Regina thought. She repressed her need to laugh. At least, judging by Robin's expression, he wasn't buying the woman's words either. He thanked her politely and they stood up.

"It's your turn, ma'am," the so-called psychic held back.

Regina turned her head and realized the woman was talking to her. "Thanks, but I don't think so," she said.

"Come on Gina, do it! Do it! It's funny! You don't wanna know what the lady will say?"

"No, I don't. If I wanted some lunatic wise advice about my future I'd eat fortune cookies," Regina replied, already turning her back.

The woman had a small laugh then, before declaring the raven haired woman was simply afraid. Such statement immediately made Regina stopped and she flashed a shocked glance. "Excuse me?"

"I'm not judging, it happens frequently."

"I'm not afraid, dear, I just don't buy your crap."

"You think I'm cheating. You think my only interest is your money."

"And you needed a crystal ball to find that out?"

"Of course not," she responded with a smirk. "I don't use crystal ball anyway, _those_ are crap as you like to call it."

"We finally agree on something, then."

"I don't need one to see the darkness you possess. I see the ghosts of your past in your eyes, your fear is an aura surrounding you, even though you manage well in hiding it behind an ice wall." Regina's smile froze. _That was the best she could do? Pathetic_.

"Your life is changing though, I can feel it."

"And I feel like I'm wasting my time." She didn't want to act so cold, almost mean, to the psychic in front of Roland. But she didn't want to hear that bullshit.

"Yes, you are." Regina couldn't hold back a surprised _What?_.

"You are wasting your time worrying about the past. You suffered a big loss as well. More than one. And you never let go of the pain. The guilt. You never moved on, even if you like to pretend otherwise to reassure the people who care about you. There's a hole in your heart." Regina open her mouth to say something, anything, but she only gasped. Her heart was beating faster. They were no way that woman would have magically seen Regina's story. She had had a lifetime to perfect her mask, how did that stranger could possibly have guessed the truth? What had shown her true face?

Regina was totally unaware of Robin's glance at her. He'd seen the color leave her face, only to come back brighter. She was clearly uncomfortable. He wished he could do something to soothe her. Those words were rubbish, he knew she knew that. Yet they seemed to have an unexpected impact on Regina.

"However," the fortune teller started again, "what you need could be closer than you'd imagine. You just have to open your eyes to see it."

"And what do you think I need?" Regina asked, regaining the ability to speak again, with a voice that trembled more than she'd want.

The woman answer four little letters, on a sweet, kind, almost caring voice.

"Love."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4** **\- Anything to make me feel alive**

 **R** egina went out of the tent with a burning face. She could literally feel her blood pulsing under her skin. People had been saying the same record the past fourteen years and she hadn't paid attention to them. But this woman, with her bewitching eyes, was different. It had almost felt like she had seen right through Regina's soul and read all her deepest privet thoughts. Regina felt naked, vulnerable. And she couldn't bare that kind of weakness. She swallowed and put her posh face back. Only then she dared to open her eyes again. Only to see that Robin had followed her out of the tent with his son and was watching her with concern. "Are you okay?" he asked then.

He didn't mean be intrusive, but she clearly wasn't alright and he couldn't just stand there and pretend otherwise. Even though she was willing to, apparently. "I'm fine," she said.

"You don't really seem to..."

"I said I was fine! Are you deaf or just stupid?" Regina snapped. She had spoken harder than she had been willing to. The others rejoined them just then. _Perfect timing._ Noticing the quite tensed atmosphere, Emma pointed the Rifle Range stand out. "Who wants to try to beat me?" she asked joyfully. A good distraction would be perfect to calm Regina's nerves, then only she could ask the raven haired what had happened.

"I'm not on for a humiliation tonight," declared Neal and the others nodded in consent, except for Regina who kept quiet.

"Really, none of you is manly enough to take the challenge?" Emma insisted, already disappointed.

"I am," Regina declared with a hint of defiance in the eyes. She needed to put up a front and clear her troubled mind. Apparently the others didn't believe she could actually win since they started laughing. They probably even thought she was joking. "You'll go from laughter to tears when I win."

"You do know that Emma is a Sheriff right? To shoot is part of her job, she does that all the time for a living," Neal said.

"And I'm really good at it," Emma added with a joking wink.

"So what? I learned to shoot at the age of twelve. I don't believe you can say so." Regina's mother had her learning how to shoot, because every young woman should have the ability to defend themselves. She couldn't bare the idea to have a helpless daughter. Regina didn't understand at first, but when she got older she actually liked it. The gun in her hands felt like freedom. A wonderful way to let go of her anger, frustration, pain. So she'd kept practicing over the years, even after Henry's birth. They aimed, shoot and knocked out the targets one by one. Emma missed one, Regina didn't. "Ooh, nailed it! Getting a little rusty, are we Miss Swan?" Regina said with a smirk.

"Yay! I knew it, Gina's the better!" Roland bragged in his father's arms, who was still stunned by Regina's victory, along with the rest of the group. "What is it you've win?" The hawker handed a stuffed monkey to Regina. She smiled and handed it over Roland.

"There, it's for you," Regina declared with a tender smile. Roland opened his eyes wide. One could believe it was the greatest gift he'd ever receive.

"You sure?" he asked.

"Of course I am, sweetheart."

"Are you sure?" It was Robin asking now, frowning.

"Yeah, I mean, if it's okay with you."

"It is, of course. Thank you," he said shaking his head. He had trouble figuring her out. One moment she was yelling at him, the next she was offering his son a gift. Regina was still pissed by the words of the fortune teller, but she couldn't well had Roland suffer her bad mood and she had no use for a stuffed animal anyway.

* * *

Regina drove in silence on their way back home. She didn't pay attention to the charming couple relating the evening they just lived. She was lost in her thoughts, impatient to get back to the quietness of her room. She politely wished a good night and locked herself up for the night. She didn't sleep well that night. She kept looking back on her memories, the words of the psychic echoing in her mind. According to that unknown woman, and to everybody else for that matter, Regina needed love.

Lying in her bed, a laugh escaped her lips. She couldn't even tell if it was a mocking one or a nervous one, but she laughed at herself for it. _Love, huh?_ She hadn't been in love in more than a decade. Love was weakness. The only love she needed was her son's, the only true love in her life. She hated people for judging her because she was a single mother, because she was thirty-two and not married. She needed nobody's pity. She was a successful woman (head-director of a reputed high school), owned a beautiful listed house (not huge but fully enough for her son and her), and was able to provide Henry anything he'd need. What else mattered? Of course, it was far from being good enough for her mother. No matter how hard she had tried, Regina had never been good enough for her mother. Her dad was a kind man, he loved her deeply, but he was also weak. He had never stood up for his daughter in front of his wife. And then, he had died. He had abandoned her to her heartless mother, in a cold, hostile world. After that her mother had married Leopold, Mary's father, and Regina's life went from bad to worse. Leopold was a good man but Regina had never loved him. And Mary, his perfect little princess, was the center of all the attention. Regina was noticed only for the things she did the wrong way, which seemed to be all the time. She was only sixteen back then. But sometimes, when she had to take care of her new step-sister, or when her mother reprehended her the worst way possible, she felt like she had lived a lifetime of misery.

She was only happy with him. Her ray of sunshine. Her stable boy. Daniel. But she had lost him too. How was she supposed to believe in a concept as abstract as love when she had been deprived of it most of her life?

The sleep caught her some when during the night though she awoke with the first lights. Feeling the lack of sleep from the past two nights, Regina was moody all day, avoiding the others as much as possible. She didn't answered to Emma when she inquired about what happened the evening before at the fair. She declined the offer to go for a walk on the beach. She lied all day long on the long chair near the pool hiding behind her sunglasses and a book (not the Harry Potter obviously). She hated being so weary but couldn't get herself to do anything. She even send Roland away when he came asking her to play the queen in his knights game. She tried to sleep but she only managed to doze.

Mary came sit by her side later in the evening. "So," she started. "What's going on?"

"Don't know what you're talking about, dear."

"You're grumpy. I'm not blind nor stupid, Regina. Is there anything troubling you?"

Regina sighed loudly before she answered. "Lay off me, I'm fine. Not every one of us can be all perky every day of our life like you do, Snow White." Regina nicknamed Mary not long after they met. She was using it as a barb, to criticize her naivety and to push her away by the same way.

"Don't call me that..." Mary said in a little voice. Regina had wanted to offend her, yet for once she wasn't really happy for succeeding. "I just want you to know I'm here for you if you need to talk."

"Oh, trust me, I know. You're _always_ here."

"Regina don't do that. Don't go back to withdrawing yourself. I thought we were getting along these days. We are a close call, you and I."

Regina sighed one more time. "We are, Mary. It's just... I miss my son." That statement was sure true. Even if it wasn't the biggest cloud is Regina's mind. But Mary, despite her good will, wouldn't understand. Regina wasn't a fan of any demonstration of affection but she let her step sister hug her. It was nice to felt appreciated.

She slept like a log that night.

* * *

When she went out of the pool the morning after, Robin and Roland were eating their breakfast on the patio. It was starting to become a ritual. She dried herself and came to sit beside the little boy asking after his night. Robin couldn't help but notice how the color red suited Regina. He was glad to see she seemed to feel lighter that day. He realized he was staring when she met his gaze. She didn't make any comment though, only returned it. She was waiting for him to lower his eyes first, he understood. But he wasn't willing to let her win. Instead he asked "Any plan for today, milady?"

"Yes, actually. I was thinking of going to the stables today," she answered, still holding his gaze.

"You gonna ride horses?" Roland exclaimed. "I wanna come! Please! Can I come? Please, please, please?"

"I'm not sure I'll ride, sweetheart."

"Why so?" Roland asked with innocent eyes.

"Because I haven't in a while now," Regina confessed. She didn't clarify why though. She didn't tell last time she had ride she had been reckless, had an accident and had to kill her horse. The only loved one she had left, her best friend. She never rode again after that day.

"It's like a bike, you never forget how to ride," stated Robin.

"Except for the horse who's a living being, dear, not a tool."

"Well, there's only one way to know. Is it ok if Roland and I come along?"

Regina wanted to do that alone, by herself. She wasn't sure how it'd be like to go back to the stables that used to feel like home once upon a time. She thought she'd go there for a closure. Then she thought about her promise to Henry, about making efforts and all, and well, maybe it'd be nice to have Roland with her there. He had never horse-rode and was so exciting. She'd never teach how to ride to Henry, but maybe she could try with Roland. She'd prove once and for all to the others that she had indeed moved on from her past.

Mary tried very hard to hide her enthusiasm when she learned about their plan at lunch. Regina proposed for them to come too, in the optic to taunt them later, faced with their inability of horse-riding. But Mary declined the offer, cutting Neal who was obviously appealed by the idea. He attempted to say something again but Emma's kicks had him drop the subject. That's how Regina, Robin and Roland left Mary and Emma on the entrance with their silly smiles. Roland chattered all the way to the stables. They were only at fifteen minutes on foot but they decided to take the car.

The sight of the stables squeezed Regina's heart, just before the smell had her hold her breath. It was a lifetime ago, yet it felt like she was there just the day before. The memories were overwhelming.

Robin brought her back to the reality when he touched her arms. "Shall we?" He was watching her closely. This woman was a mystery to him and he intended to resolve it. He felt pulled to her somehow. She had so many faces, but the one she was wearing in that moment was heartbreaking. Of course she gritted her teeth and put herself back together quickly enough, but he had seen her face fall. Her sadness was almost palpable. He made no comment though, he already knew she wouldn't say anything.

They headed to the entrance where an old man was cleaning stuff. He lifted his head when he heard them and dropped his mouth open. "Regina!" he said.

"Hi, Marcus," she greeted with a reticent smile. He returned the smile and embraced her, for longer than Regina would have allowed others.

They separated but he kept his hands in his. "You turned out to be a beautiful woman. Not that that's surprising. You seem to be fine." He declared with a very paternal voice.

"I am. Thank you. How are you?"

He told her a bit about his life and his stables. "But you'd know all about it if you'd come sooner," he concluded to tease the girl he considered as his daughter.

She smiled but apologized, all serious again, and tried to explain herself but Marcus told her he knew why she hadn't and he understood. "I'm glad you've found love again, Regina."

When she realized he was referring to Robin, standing next to her, she blushed and said quickly he was mistaking. "Sorry, I've been rude. This is Robin and his son Roland. They're just friends." Robin had noticed her awkwardness but wasn't sure how to interpret it. Marcus and Regina talked some more, especially about Henry. The old man then guided them to another man who helped them prepare for riding. He was in his twenties and openly flirting with Regina.

"Do you need a hand?" the man proposed with a wink. Robin snorted.

"Not with the horse," Regina responded. The man was too young for her, not even her type, but some innocent flirt had never hurt.

The stable boy helped Roland get on the pony and go the rounds in the manège. In the meantime, Regina brushed her young mare, black as the night. When the stable boy judge Roland ready enough, the boy was more than ready for a ride in the area. Robin climb on his own horse, and turned to Regina. Her heart was racing. "Ok, beautiful," she murmured to the horse. "It's been a long time and my last time wasn't really great. Go easy on me, please? You're a good girl." She refused the stable boy's hand and got on her horse by herself. She immediately felt better. Like always, it was so natural it felt like home.

They rode in the forest, Roland a bit ahead, talking to his pony. The grownups were watching him with a soft smile. "So, who is this Marcus, exactly? You seemed to know each other quite well," said Robin.

"Yeah, he's been like a father to me. I used to come here almost every day when I lived here."

"You love riding." It wasn't a question, he knew it by her way of being toward the horses. She was a natural.

"I did. I do. Riding became the best way to escape my mother. And to out dare her by the same way, she hated me to ride," she confessed with a knowing smile. "You're a rider too. I wouldn't never have guessed."

"Indeed I am," he assented. She was a good observer. "My dad taught me when I was a kid."

"It's a good thing he did. Horses are better than people."

There was something sad in her statement, Robin thought. "Did you came here only for the horses?" He asked, already knowing better but wondering if she'd tell him the story hidden here.

Regina offered him a croaked grin. "Not quite...," she confessed. "Marcus had a son. Daniel used to work at the stable to give a hand to his father. He and I were... seeing each other." She didn't know why she was telling Robin all this, but she couldn't go as far as telling him what her relationship with Daniel had meant to her.

"Had?" inquired Robin.

"Hmm?"

"You said Marcus _had_ a son."

"Oh. Yeah. Daniel... Daniel passed away."

"I'm sorry. Were you still together? When it happened?" Robin immediately saw her face shot away again. He had his answer.

"What is this? A twenty questions game?" replied Regina harshly. This was getting way too personal for her comfort. _What was he trying to do?_

"Here's a good idea!"

"What are you? Fifteen?" Regina mocked.

"If we're going to spend the summer together, we'd better start knowing each other a bit more. I can't very well let my son near a perfect stranger, as beautiful she is. For all I know you could be a mass murderer," he joked in a shaky attempt to bring the relaxed Regina back.

"If I was, I wouldn't tell, even in your silly game," she said like he was stupid.

Nonetheless, Robin believed playing the idiot was a small price to see her smile. "Ah, but you can't lie, that's the game's rule!" And there she was, smiling while rolling her eyes. She was riding her horse with such grace that Robin found it hard to believe she hadn't ride in so long. She must have had exaggerated. The sunlight was illuminating her face through the trees and Robin found him staring at her once more. His son was enjoying his afternoon too, laughing and shouting _Giddy-up! Giddy-up!_ every once in a while. It was a beautiful day and Robin tried not to think off his passed wife. His dear Marian would have love to be here. She enjoyed the nature as much as he did, more if it was possible. _What he wouldn't give for her to have the chance to see her son so happy!_

Regina noticed his nostalgic face. She surrounded. "Ok, let's do this. I go first, obviously. What's your favorite fruit? You already know mine so..."

Robin's grin caught her off guards. His dimples were definitely a dangerous weapon. "It happens that I favorite apples too."

"Suck-up," Regina teased.

"Ever had a pet?"

"No, mother loathes animals. I had a horse though, Rocinante."

"Good name. Hum, favorite holiday?"

"Aha, I believe it's my turn, thief! Favorite movie?"

"Gladiator."

"Yeah, great movie," Regina approved.

"You know it? I thought you were more author movies."

"Never judge a book by its cover, dear."

"See, exactly why this game is such a good idea," Robin laughed. "Favorite color?"

"Blue." _Like his eyes._ Slow down girl! What was she thinking? Certainly it's been quite some time she hadn't been with a man and Robin was definitely attractive, but she couldn't start thinking like that. She cleared her throat. "Favorite holiday?"

"Hey, that was my question!" he said pretending to be offended.

"Leave your place and lose it. I'm waiting," she annoyed him.

"Christmas, definitely."

"Hmm, yes, Christmas is magic," she agreed.

They got lost in their thoughts for a time, before Robin resumed. "Where you flirting with that stable boy earlier?"

Regina laughed widely. "Is that your next question?"

"Yeah, I guess," Robin admitted. He hadn't seen that one coming. She was free to flirt with anyone of course, but this man was too young, not that attractive, not even interesting. What Robin truly wondered was why wasn't she flirting with him if she was willing to flirt with the first man within easy reach. Not that he wanted her to hit on him. It was really just a practical question.

"Then yes, I was," Regina answer frankly. "Jealous, are we?" The path reduced and they came to ride closer, their knees touching from time to time.

"Not at all."

Regina raised an eyebrow. She enjoyed unsettling a man. "Remember, you can't lie, it's the game, dear."

 _Was she flirting with him now?_ "Would you like me to be jealous, milady?" he eluded.

"Well, it sure wouldn't bother me," she said with a mischievous grin.

Bloody hell, she was putting some uncatholic thoughts in his mind. He knew she was only playing him though. He cleared his throat. "Favorite book?" he asked.

"I believe it was my turn, thief. But I'll give you this one. Wuthering Heights, I guess."

"Really? I never understood how this book came to have such a success. Heathcliff is a very dark character."

"I wouldn't have guessed you read," Regina teased. "Yeah, Heathcliff is really dark, I think that's precisely why this book is so striking. Everybody who has ever lost a loved one can rely with him. With his anger, his fierce. Losing the love of his life made him evil. Of course, most people don't react as violently as he does, but I think we all have a part of us that wish we could. How did you react when your wife passed away?" She wasn't sure he was fine with her asking such a question, but she was genuinely curious.

Robin squeezed his jowls. The thoughts he precisely wanted to forget came back running. "I was mad, yeah. Mostly just desperate, but also very angry."

"What happened?" Regina asked carefully.

"She was diagnosed with cancer when she was four months pregnant. We had to choose between the treatment and the baby."

"And you chose to have the baby."

" _She_ did. I'm still so mad at her for that sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I love Roland more than anything. But she could have tried the treatment, she could have fought, she could have heal and then we could have tried again."

"But the treatment doesn't always work."

"I know. It was fifty-fifty."

"And she may not have been able to get pregnant afterwards."

"I know. But what's the point in having a child if she doesn't get to see him grow?"

"It doesn't really matter." Robin frowned, and Regina pursued. "You can't really understand, it's a mother thing. You become a dad the day your child is born. When you get to see him, when he grabs your finger for the first time. We become mothers the exact moment we learn we're pregnant. Actually some are mothers even before. It's instinctive. And nothing is more important than our child's health. It's not something rational, it's in our guts. Nothing's worse than the loss of a child, even before his birth, it's as painful as losing a part of your soul." She took a breather. Robin was watching her, drinking her words. He already knew all that, Marian had tried to make him understand a hundred times before. But Regina was talking about it like she had lived it. "Stop being mad at her, Robin. She fought in her own way. She fought for your son," Regina conclude with a supporting smile.

"You seem to talk by experience," Robin said gently.

"I do," she admitted. She didn't know why she had told him, it was a well-kept secret, one only shared with Emma.

"Papa! Papa! Can we go faster now?" Roland interrupted.

Robin watched Regina. He wanted to say something about her confession. But what could he possibly do to make her understand he cared? "Only a little trotting, then we go back to the stables," he replied to his son. They trotted for a few meters before they turned around.

When they reach the stables, Regina didn't ride down. She asked them to wait for her just a moment. She launched herself in a full gallop to the top of the hill. The wind was lashing her face, hair flying in the air. Her mind emptied. Tears were falling down her face, without her knowing if it was due to the wind or the phantom feelings in her heart. For a moment she was eighteen again. For a moment she was riding next to Daniel. For a moment time had stopped. For a moment she was just Regina. And for the first time in years, she felt a huge sentiment of freedom.

She felt alive.


End file.
